Is Your Principal a Psychopath?

Is Your School Principal a Psychopath?*
Joe Moncarz, February 2022

*This also applies to deputy principals, assistant principals, school owners, and any upper management of a school

Hey, don't laugh! This is a real thing. Psychopaths aren't just murderers locked up in prison. In fact, most murderers are not psychopaths. Sure, about 25% of the prison population is made up of psychopaths, but most psychopaths are NOT in prison. Just like most CEOs are not locked up, but running Pfizer, Exxon-Mobil, Raytheon, Bayer, Boeing, Lockheed Martin, Facebook, and many businesses all around you. And just like most politicians are not behind bars, but out in freedom, passing legislation, taking uppers, and kissing babies. And just like most poisonous snakes are NOT in serpentariums. (Actually this is a poor example, and I apologize to snakes, because snakes aren't psychopathic. They just don't want you to step on them.) The point is, these are dangerous personalities, and they're out and about, circulating in the community like an Elon Musk tweet or a Bill Gates vaccine, causing immense damage. And that also means the principal at your local school may also be a psychopath, in which case you might want to either find a different school, start a petition, or form a posse.

But let's not limit ourselves to psychopathy. Psychopathy is just one variation on Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD). Narcissists are just as dangerous and make up an estimated 6.2% of the general population. (With some estimates going up to 16%.) Both of these personality disorders are often very similar, characterized by a lack of empathy and being self-absorbed. They are excellent actors, prolific liars, and they manipulate others in order to control them and use them. They can be either anti-social, in which case it's obvious, or they can be prosocial and give the appearance of normality – which is much more dangerous. Since humans are a social animal, a lack of empathy is a very dangerous thing. Which is why there's lead in your drinking water, systemic poverty, an ocean full of plastic, nuclear weapons, deadly chemicals on your food, and untested, experimental vaccines in your blood. This list can be much longer.

There are a lot of psychopaths and narcissists. Estimates at psychopathy in the general population are about 1%. That may not sound like much, but that means a small country like New Zealand has 45,000 psychopaths. That's too many, if you ask me (which you did, by reading this far.) But wait. Consider that the United States has a population of 330 million people, which means that it has 3.3 million psychopaths. (That certainly explains a lot.) And in a world of 8 billion people, that means 80 million people are psychopaths. That number goes up when you include narcissists, to 279,000 narcissists in New Zealand, 20 million in the U.S., and 500 million narcissists on the planet.

And considering that psychopaths and narcissists gravitate to positions of power and authority over others, you can bet your corn muffins that the odds of your local school principal being a psychopath are quite high. In my own experience in education, I worked for at least two narcissist principals in mainstream schools, I met at least two others, and I actually ran a school with a psychopathic/narcissistic business partner. This leaves out the deranged Head of English I once worked with for three years, who used to routinely lie about colleagues, insult students, and rip up their work.

So now to the most important question: How can you tell? Well, it's all about looking for the tell-tale signs and red flags, so that you can steer clear and warn others. And remember that what you're looking for is not just one or two of the following behaviors, but several of these behaviors that are repeated. In general, these behaviors are a manifestation of a lack of empathy, superficiality and shallowness, a superiority complex, deep insecurity, manipulation and deceit, objectification of others, and the absolute need for control.

Ask yourself:

Do they love to talk about themselves?

That's because they are absorbed with themselves. They are the only ones that matter. Everyone else exists for them to use for their own benefit and is there just to applaud. They also like to drop names, as in, “I just got a colonoscopy at the same place that George Clooney gets his.”

Are they overly concerned with how they appear?

That's because they put more emphasis on the superficial, rather than on substance. They're actors. They want to appear to be truthful. They want to appear to care. But they're actually neither. They often put a great deal of effort into how they look, including their clothes, their hair, and their car. They spend hours plucking their eyebrows and brushing their armpit hair.

Does it seem like when you talk that they're not even listening?

You're right - they're not! They're either thinking about what they're going to say when you shut your trap, or they're wondering how long they have to appear to listen to your drivel before they can cut you off. It's not that you're boring, it's just that they don't give a shit. (Although they might appear to.)

Do they cut you off repeatedly when you're speaking?

Unfortunately, what they have to say is much more important than anything you will ever say. That's why they do it. Don't take it personally.

Do they have problems with confidentiality? Do they like talking about other parents and kids and sharing information they shouldn't be sharing?

By talking about others, even confidential information, they make themselves appear to be of greater importance. Everything they do is about establishing their superiority over others. Even just the appearance. Also, they may have trouble controlling themselves and controlling their own mouths, which could be a manifestation of impulsiveness, a feature especially common in these dangerous personalities.

Do you sometimes wonder if they're lying?

That's because they are! They live in a world of delusion, where the world is distorted to conform to either their emotions of the moment, or to enable them to control others. So that confidential information they're sharing probably isn't even true. In fact, nearly everything they say will be distorted in some way in order to achieve their desired aim.

Do they like to “play around” with the numbers?

They're dishonest and always looking to make themselves look better, so they'll do it as principal as well. They'll inflate test scores, change attendance records, and like a dishonest accountant, they'll “cook the books”.

Do they like putting down others? Do they like to gossip?

Again, this is a way of establishing their superiority and control. You can also bet that they put you down you to other people, too. No matter how friendly or chummy they may appear to be with you, they are insulting you behind your back. Guaranteed. I've seen it. It's all an act, remember.

Do they frequently use sarcasm?

This is a common passive-aggressive behavior among these personalities. As in, “Do you think you can finish those reports before they start cloning dinosaurs?” It's another way they try to elevate themselves above others. (Of course, scientists already have started cloning dinosaurs, so the jokes on them.)

Are they extremely sensitive to criticism?

They often respond to any perceived criticism, no matter how slight, by attacking others. They regard anything else but total subservience and obedience as an attack on their core being.

Do they like to blame everyone else?

Of course, if anything bad happens, or mistakes are made, it's other people's fault. They cannot recognize the mistakes they make, the harm they cause, or their flaws, so they project it onto others. They have to maintain their appearance of superiority.

Do they take credit for everything?

In keeping with their need to appear like more than they are, naturally they will always take credit, even if it's not true.

Do they refuse to put agreements in writing?

They do this because their word is meaningless. They want to be able to change their mind whenever they want. They'll do that, too. They expect other people to sign agreements, but they rarely will.

Do they “forget” that they agreed to something? Or do they simply deny that they ever agreed to it?

They may pretend to forget (a common passive-aggressive behavior), they will deny it, or they may simply act in total opposition to what they previously agreed, and hope you don't notice. Sneaky buggers, they are.

Do they expect everyone to do exactly as they say, when they say it?

They're not only superior to you, but they regard themselves as “the boss”. Like Stalin. Or Miss Piggy. If you don't do as they say, you'll be out of there.

Do they surround themselves with “yes men”?

The only way to work with this kind of person is to become a mirror - i.e., you just have to agree with them, all the time. Anyone who continues to work with them has been duped and manipulated into believing their lies, and thus, for the moment are their lapdogs (no offense to actual lapdogs, like pugs.) It's always temporary, as they go through the idealize-devalue-discard cycle with most people. One false move and you're out of there!

Do they frequently overreact? Do they want to expel students or remove staff unjustly?

This is a variation on the above. They take everything personally and react to everything as if it were an attack on them. Everyone has to do as they say, including children. They have little patience, no empathy, and little regard for how children actually develop – though they may pay lip service and pretend that they understand. Therefore, if an otherwise well-behaved child does something rather foolish and uncharacteristic, the narcissist principal may take it as a personal affront and want to expel them immediately. They will also view the child as a threat to their status and how others regard them. I once successfully defended a child from getting expelled for making one silly mistake after three years at the school.

Do they yell at or insult teachers and staff in front of others?

They are serial bullies and can't help themselves. And they don't give a shit about anyone else. You weren't following their orders fast enough!

Do they yell at or insult parents?

Oh yes they do. Routinely. It's shocking for the rest of us, but normal to them.

Do they bully and intimidate others to get their way?

It's often the only way they know – especially if you don't quickly fall into line.

Do they frequently use threats?

This is one of their favorite tactics of intimidation.

Do they speak with strong emotions, rather than rational thought?

They may not be capable of rational thought. Or, since they have no good actual reasons, they simply resort to emotive language which generally works better. They take advantage of that human tendency for empathy and to respond to emotions (which they do not have). Simply by asserting, even the biggest lie, with strong emotions, they often convince others. This includes crying, which they may use as a tactic of manipulation, just like a child does. But most of us grow out of that. Remember, their condition is one of arrested development. Emotionally, they are still stuck as a young child.

Do they make bold statements without any supporting evidence?

Reality never gets in the way for a narcissist. Again, all they have to do is say it and repeat often enough, using emotive language and their fake emotions, and enough suckers will believe it. Even the smartest people can be fooled by them, just as con men are able to fool highly intelligent people. Just as Rasputin hastened the end of the Romanov dynasty and Tsarist Russia. Just as con men have sold the Eiffel Tower and Brooklyn Bridge. And just as millions of people have been convinced they need hair conditioner.

Do they seem to get angry over trivial matters?

With their child-like emotional state, and poor coping skills, yes, they will explode over minor things. They throw tantrums, just like a four-year old. But unlike a four-year old, they will not outgrow it.

Are they racist?

Racism alone, of course, does not make a person a psychopath or narcissist. But this, in conjunction with other red flags, is a bad sign. Since they think they're superior to everyone, why not be superior to other ethnic groups as well?

Do their kids tell other kids (or teachers) about how they yell and scream at home?

You may not ever be inside their home, but if their kids are in the school, that will give you a glimpse into what kind of person they are. Often their kids will make statements reflecting what goes on at home. The narcissist is the kind of parent who yells and screams in order to bully their children. Narcissists often have little patience, especially for children. Because they have to fake patience at school all day, then at home they unleash their true personality.

Do they smack or hit their kids?

They generally won't admit to this, but their kids may tell other kids and think that it's a normal thing that parents do. (Again, this alone doesn't make a person a psychopath or narcissist, it just means you've learned a wrong way to parent – probably from your parents, or from your own schooling.) Smacking is probably not even the worst thing they do to their kids. Emotional abuse is just as damaging to kids, if not more so, and guaranteed with these personalities.

The bottom line is, by virtue of the number of narcissists and psychopaths there are, and the fact that they love positions of authority and power, the odds are very high that a school principal will be a narcissist or psychopath. Remember that at first, they may be very slick, charming, and persuasive. But that's just the honeymoon period, and it will usually fade with time.

The other thing to know is that they never change. There is no undoing psychopathy or narcissism. They may learn to fake “normal”, but it's still just faking, and sooner or later you'll get bitten. Like Siegfried and Roy torturing wild tigers and forcing them to jump through hoops for Las Vegas crowds. Tigers belong in the wild and eventually, someone was going to get bitten – in this case, Roy. (Again, this analogy does not imply that tigers are psychopathic, just that tigers will never be domesticated.)

When you talk with your potentially narcissist or psychopathic principal, purposely contradict or disagree with them and see what happens. Stand up for your dissenting position and see what happens. Say, “I've heard that there are some issues with management at this school” and see what happens. Ask them about why former employees or colleagues left, and see what they say.

Poke and prod them. If you do, they will often give themselves away.

And then form a posse!

Sources and Further Reading

Brown, Sandra. (2010 Auguest 28). “60 Million People in the U.S. Negatively Affected By Someone Else's Pathology.” Psychology Today. Retrieved at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pathological-relationships/201008/60-million-people-in-the-us-negatively-affected-someone-elses

Carlson, E. N., Vazire, S., & Oltmanns, T. F. (2011). “You probably think this paper's about you: Narcissists' perceptions of their personality and reputation.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 101(1), 185–201. Retrieved at https://www.researchgate.net/publication/51158367_You_Probably_Think_This_Paper's_About_You_Narcissists'_Perceptions_of_Their_Personality_and_Reputation

Eddy, Bill. (2018). 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High Conflict Personalities. TarcherPerigee.

Eddy, Bill. (2018 April 30). “Are Narcissists and Sociopaths Increasing?” Psychology Today. Retrieved at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/201804/are-narcissists-and-sociopaths-increasing

Gillespie, David. (2017). Taming Toxic People: the science of identifying psychopaths at work and at home. Macmillan Australia.

Hare, Robert. (1999). Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us. Guilford Press.

Harms, William. (2013 April 24). “Psychopaths are not neurally equipped to have concern for others.” University of Chicago. Retrieved at https://news.uchicago.edu/story/psychopaths-are-not-neurally-equipped-have-concern-others

Menkes, Justin. (2013 July 4). “Narcissism: The Difference Between High Achievers and Leaders.” Harvard Business Review. Retrieved at https://hbr.org/2012/07/narcissism-the-difference-betw

Morf, Carolyn and Rhodewalt, Frederick. (2001). “Unraveling the Paradoxes of Narcissism:
A Dynamic Self-Regulatory Processing Model.” Psychological Inquiry. Retrieved at http://persweb.wabash.edu/facstaff/hortonr/articles%20for%20class/morf%20and%20rhodewalt.pdf

Sanz-Garcia, Ana, Gesteira, Clara, Sanz Jesus, and Garcia-Vera, Maria Paz. (2021 August 5). “Prevalence of Psychopathy in the General Adult Population: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis.” Frontiers in Psychology. Retrieved at https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.661044/full

Stinson FS, Dawson DA, Goldstein RB, Chou SP, Huang B, Smith SM, Ruan WJ, Pulay AJ, Saha TD, Pickering RP, Grant BF. (2008 July ). “Prevalence, correlates, disability, and comorbidity of DSM-IV narcissistic personality disorder: results from the wave 2 national epidemiologic survey on alcohol and related conditions.” Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. 69(7):1033-45. Retrieved at https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18557663/

Stout, Martha. (2006). The Sociopath Next Door. Harmony.

Is Your School Principal a Psychopath?*Joe Moncarz, February 2022

Is Your School Principal a Psychopath?*
Joe Moncarz, February 2022