Breaking News: Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla is Full of Shit
Joe Moncarz, November 2021
Do you remember when US. President Truman won the Nobel Peace Prize for obliterating Hiroshima and Nagasaki with atom bombs (210,000 civilians killed)? Or when former U.S. Secretary of State Madeleine Albright started calling herself “Mrs. Dalai Lama” after enforcing the embargo on Iraq (including an embargo on food, medicine, and vaccines) which killed 500,000 Iraqi children? (She also won Oprah Winfrey's 2003 “Most Likely to be a Reptoid” Award.) Or that prisons supposedly exist “for criminals”, yet no pharmaceutical company CEO or executive, nor a single U.S. Senator or former President or Vice President is locked up?
Yeah. The layers of hypocrisy which threaten to drown us all in thick, gooey, slimy muck continues. It's a tsunami of hypocrisy. But what really deserves applaud are the big mouth hypocrites who not only have an endless stream of diarrhea pouring out of their mouths (I'd hate to be their dentist), but then they try to convince us that that liquid shit is actually chocolate sauce, and that we should pour some over our ice cream. (And then you realize that some humans have two assholes.)
Now, obviously I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't admit that I'm a hypocrite at times, too. Everyone is. We're forced by this wreck of a society. We drive cars even if we know they're terrible inventions, we work at jobs because we need the money, even if the company is a menace to life on Earth, we tell our kids to “stop fucking swearing all the fucking time!”, we sometimes have cookies and beer for dinner but force our kids to eat spinach and peas, and we brush our teeth with applesauce even though we make our kids brush with sardine paste (which actually is a good survival toothpaste and much safer than Colgate). But I'm not talking about small-time hypocrisy. I'm talking about the kind that has serious large-scale consequences, on thousands, millions, or, in this case, billions of people.
Which leads us to today's winner of the Hypocrite Awards (also known as the “Full of Shit” Medal), which (big surprise) goes to current Pfizer CEO Albert “Stinky Toes” Bourla.
A couple of days ago Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla described those who spread Covid vaccine misinformation as “criminals.” (Obviously the term “misinformation” here means any idea that might hurt Bourla's ability to buy another vacation home or more powdered tiger balls for his morning smoothies.) He said that there are doctors and other professionals who “circulate, on purpose, misinformation so that they will mislead those that have concerns.” And then he continued: “Those people are criminals... Because they have literally cost millions of lives.” (Fitzimons 2021)
Now, I'm not saying that there aren't people out there spreading ridiculous lies – whether for or against the Covid vaccines. But who the fuck is the CEO of Pfizer to moralize and lecture anyone? In fact, Bourla should be an expert on misinformation and criminal activity, since Pfizer has not only a long, long history of misleading and deceiving the public and federal regulators, but also misleading cute little kittens into falling into the Cargill Hot Dogs meat grinder.
Here's just a small sample of Pfizer's history of deceit (resulting in countless deaths and injuries), from Corporate Research Project's “Pfizer: Corporate Rap Sheet” (Mattera 2017):
So obviously, Bourla's opinion about “misinformation” and “criminals” should carry about as much weight as former Monsanto CEO Hugh Grant mad about arsenic in his drinking water, or Lockheed Martin CEO James Taiclet upset that his wife got shot in a drive-by shooting, or DuPont CEO Edward Breen yelling at the neighbor's dog for shitting on his lawn.
Corporates and politicians are masters of spin. For example, with Bourla, he wants everyone to know that his parents were Holocaust survivors (they actually were). In that way he plays the victim, draws sympathy, leads us to assume he cares about justice, which all makes us hesitant to criticize him. He also likes to portray himself as a lover of puppies and a fan of Greek yogurt. But don't be fooled! CEOs all hate puppies (and kittens).
Look, it's not just Pfizer, it's all corporations. The corporate structure demands criminal activity. (Bakan 2005) They all lie, cheat, steal, murder, poison and destroy. Regularly. For profit. It's business. It's not just business, it's “good business.” It's not just “good business,” it's also “a mouthful of armpit.”
Imagine if you went to buy a car and you signed the papers, paid all the money, only to find out that the car had no engine, and actually, it wasn't even a car. It was a big, inflatable duckie. And then the car salesman told you that he also had a brand new 2021 Covid vaccine in mint condition, and he'll let you have it below cost, plus he'll throw in tinted windows. Is this the guy you would trust with your health?
No, of course not. But he was very convincing! The duckie sure looked like a nice car. And you really, really wanted to believe it was a car. And that's the thing. They play on our desires and they're very convincing. We so want to believe in their magic pills and magic vaccines. They seem so caring, helpful, and genuine. (Like the grandparents you always wished you had but could never afford.)
We're so desperate for easy cures for all our ailments that we go running to the most deceitful and dangerous people on the planet – and we believe every word they say!
I'll tell you the best cure for most problems: Nature. (Yeah, nature! You heard me.) All our modern problems are caused by modern civilization fucking with the natural world and forcing us to live in a way we never evolved for. (Ryan 2019) Covid-19, like most of our infectious diseases, is a result of civilization. (Scott 2018)
So what do I mean by nature? You've heard it all before. It means we should spend more time outside (not behind walls, not in an office, and definitely not in a classroom), exercise outdoors, be in the sun, breathe fresh air, swim in the ocean, eat natural, healthy food, and not experiment with bat shit DNA. Nothing new here.
And if that's too boring for you, you can also cure yourself with cute, fuzzy nature. Get yourself a kitten or puppy, or newborn version of any animal (hamster, ferret, duck, rhino, T-rex, they all work). It's called “cure by cute”. You watch something cute and fuzzy jumping around long enough, you hold it on your lap and pet it, and all your problems disappear: Covid, electric bill, the rent, annoying ex-husband, climate change. All gone.
It's 95% effective. It's Nature-approved. It's been long-term tested over millions of years (beat that, Pfizer!) And it has minimal side effects (such as getting peed on.)
So who are you going to trust? Nature? Or Pfizer and CEO Bourla (aka the Puppy Eaters)?
**
Note: In a serious survival situation, you'll need to get sufficient protein and fats, because eating leaves and berries won't cut it. So conceivably you might be tempted to eat a puppy. But there's always worms, crickets, and grubs, which will keep you going just as well. Keep the puppies for company and to keep your spirits up. Don't eat them! (Also, This is not a criticism of cultures in which dogs and cats are eaten. The focus here is on puppies and kittens. Big difference.)
References and Further Reading
Bakan, Joel. (2005). The Corporation: The Pathological Pursuit of Profit and Power. Free Press.
Crossette, Barbara. (1995 Dec 1). “Iraq Sanctions Kill Children, U.N. Reports.” New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/1995/12/01/world/iraq-sanctions-kill-children-un-reports.html
Fitzsimons, Tim. (2021 Nov 11). “Pfizer CEO calls those spreading vaccine misinformation 'criminals'.” NBC News. Retrieved from https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/pfizer-ceo-calls-spreading-vaccine-misinformation-criminals-rcna5124
Howard, Lee. (2010 April 1). “Ex-Pfizer scientist wins $1.37 million in federal lawsuit.” The Day. Retrieved from https://www.theday.com/article/20100401/BIZ02/100409959
Mahajan, Rahul. (2001 Nov 1). “‘We Think the Price Is Worth It’.” Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting (Fair). Retrieved from https://fair.org/extra/we-think-the-price-is-worth-it/
Mattera, Philip. (2017 Feb 3). “Pfizer: Corporate Rap Sheet.” Corporate Research Project. Retrieved from https://www.corp-research.org/pfizer
Press Release. (2009 Sept 2). “Justice Department Announces Largest Health Care Fraud Settlement in Its History.” U.S. Department of Justice. Retrieved from https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/justice-department-announces-largest-health-care-fraud-settlement-its-history
Ruoff, Alex. (2019 Dec 31). “Pharma Donations Flow to GOP Lawmakers Fighting Curbs on Prices.” Bloomberg Law. Retrieved from https://news.bloomberglaw.com/health-law-and-business/pfizer-amgen-leaders-among-top-pharma-donors-to-gop-campaigns
Ryan, Christopher. (2019). Civilized to Death: The Price of Progress. Avid Reader Press.
Scott, James C. (2018). Against the Grain: A Deep History of the Earliest States. Yale University Press.
Wellerstein, Alex. (2020 Aug 4). “Counting the dead at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.” Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists. Retrieved from https://thebulletin.org/2020/08/counting-the-dead-at-hiroshima-and-nagasaki/
Yeah. The layers of hypocrisy which threaten to drown us all in thick, gooey, slimy muck continues. It's a tsunami of hypocrisy. But what really deserves applaud are the big mouth hypocrites who not only have an endless stream of diarrhea pouring out of their mouths (I'd hate to be their dentist), but then they try to convince us that that liquid shit is actually chocolate sauce, and that we should pour some over our ice cream. (And then you realize that some humans have two assholes.)
Now, obviously I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't admit that I'm a hypocrite at times, too. Everyone is. We're forced by this wreck of a society. We drive cars even if we know they're terrible inventions, we work at jobs because we need the money, even if the company is a menace to life on Earth, we tell our kids to “stop fucking swearing all the fucking time!”, we sometimes have cookies and beer for dinner but force our kids to eat spinach and peas, and we brush our teeth with applesauce even though we make our kids brush with sardine paste (which actually is a good survival toothpaste and much safer than Colgate). But I'm not talking about small-time hypocrisy. I'm talking about the kind that has serious large-scale consequences, on thousands, millions, or, in this case, billions of people.
Which leads us to today's winner of the Hypocrite Awards (also known as the “Full of Shit” Medal), which (big surprise) goes to current Pfizer CEO Albert “Stinky Toes” Bourla.
A couple of days ago Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla described those who spread Covid vaccine misinformation as “criminals.” (Obviously the term “misinformation” here means any idea that might hurt Bourla's ability to buy another vacation home or more powdered tiger balls for his morning smoothies.) He said that there are doctors and other professionals who “circulate, on purpose, misinformation so that they will mislead those that have concerns.” And then he continued: “Those people are criminals... Because they have literally cost millions of lives.” (Fitzimons 2021)
Now, I'm not saying that there aren't people out there spreading ridiculous lies – whether for or against the Covid vaccines. But who the fuck is the CEO of Pfizer to moralize and lecture anyone? In fact, Bourla should be an expert on misinformation and criminal activity, since Pfizer has not only a long, long history of misleading and deceiving the public and federal regulators, but also misleading cute little kittens into falling into the Cargill Hot Dogs meat grinder.
Here's just a small sample of Pfizer's history of deceit (resulting in countless deaths and injuries), from Corporate Research Project's “Pfizer: Corporate Rap Sheet” (Mattera 2017):
- In 2007 Pfizer subsidy Pharmacia & Upjohn agreed to pay $34.7 million to settle federal charges relating to the illegal marketing of its Genotropin human growth hormone.
- In 2009 Pfizer agreed to pay $2.3 billion to resolve criminal and civil charges relating to the improper marketing of Bextra and three other medications. The amount was a record for a healthcare fraud settlement. John Kopchinski, a former Pfizer sales representative whose complaint helped bring about the federal investigation, told the New York Times: “The whole culture of Pfizer is driven by sales, and if you didn’t sell drugs illegally, you were not seen as a team player.”
- In 2010 Pfizer disclosed that during a six-month period the previous year it had paid $20 million to some 4,500 doctors and other medical professionals for consulting and speaking on the company’s behalf. This was the first time the company had made public its spending of this kind.
- In 2011 Pfizer agreed to pay $14.5 million to resolve federal charges that it illegally marketed its bladder drug Detrol.
- In November 2012 Pfizer disclosed that it had taken a charge against earnings of $491 million in connection with an "agreement in principle" with the U.S. Department of Justice to settle charges relating to the improper marketing of the kidney transplant drug Rapamune by Wyeth. That agreement was finalized in July 2013. Pfizer later reached a $35 million settlement of Rapamune charges brought by more than 40 state attorneys general.
- They've been bribing officials and doctors for decades
- They used to dump 1 million tons of toxic waste into Long Island Sound every year
- They refused to install pollution control equipment, leading to serious damage to the Delaware River
- They routinely dumped toxic waste in Rhode Island
- They routinely dumped PCBs in Alabama
- They dumped their girlfriends by text – no phone call, no explanation, nothing. How can someone get closure that way?
- They tested a new drug called Trovan on children in Nigeria without getting proper parent consent
So obviously, Bourla's opinion about “misinformation” and “criminals” should carry about as much weight as former Monsanto CEO Hugh Grant mad about arsenic in his drinking water, or Lockheed Martin CEO James Taiclet upset that his wife got shot in a drive-by shooting, or DuPont CEO Edward Breen yelling at the neighbor's dog for shitting on his lawn.
Corporates and politicians are masters of spin. For example, with Bourla, he wants everyone to know that his parents were Holocaust survivors (they actually were). In that way he plays the victim, draws sympathy, leads us to assume he cares about justice, which all makes us hesitant to criticize him. He also likes to portray himself as a lover of puppies and a fan of Greek yogurt. But don't be fooled! CEOs all hate puppies (and kittens).
Look, it's not just Pfizer, it's all corporations. The corporate structure demands criminal activity. (Bakan 2005) They all lie, cheat, steal, murder, poison and destroy. Regularly. For profit. It's business. It's not just business, it's “good business.” It's not just “good business,” it's also “a mouthful of armpit.”
Imagine if you went to buy a car and you signed the papers, paid all the money, only to find out that the car had no engine, and actually, it wasn't even a car. It was a big, inflatable duckie. And then the car salesman told you that he also had a brand new 2021 Covid vaccine in mint condition, and he'll let you have it below cost, plus he'll throw in tinted windows. Is this the guy you would trust with your health?
No, of course not. But he was very convincing! The duckie sure looked like a nice car. And you really, really wanted to believe it was a car. And that's the thing. They play on our desires and they're very convincing. We so want to believe in their magic pills and magic vaccines. They seem so caring, helpful, and genuine. (Like the grandparents you always wished you had but could never afford.)
We're so desperate for easy cures for all our ailments that we go running to the most deceitful and dangerous people on the planet – and we believe every word they say!
I'll tell you the best cure for most problems: Nature. (Yeah, nature! You heard me.) All our modern problems are caused by modern civilization fucking with the natural world and forcing us to live in a way we never evolved for. (Ryan 2019) Covid-19, like most of our infectious diseases, is a result of civilization. (Scott 2018)
So what do I mean by nature? You've heard it all before. It means we should spend more time outside (not behind walls, not in an office, and definitely not in a classroom), exercise outdoors, be in the sun, breathe fresh air, swim in the ocean, eat natural, healthy food, and not experiment with bat shit DNA. Nothing new here.
And if that's too boring for you, you can also cure yourself with cute, fuzzy nature. Get yourself a kitten or puppy, or newborn version of any animal (hamster, ferret, duck, rhino, T-rex, they all work). It's called “cure by cute”. You watch something cute and fuzzy jumping around long enough, you hold it on your lap and pet it, and all your problems disappear: Covid, electric bill, the rent, annoying ex-husband, climate change. All gone.
It's 95% effective. It's Nature-approved. It's been long-term tested over millions of years (beat that, Pfizer!) And it has minimal side effects (such as getting peed on.)
So who are you going to trust? Nature? Or Pfizer and CEO Bourla (aka the Puppy Eaters)?
**
Note: In a serious survival situation, you'll need to get sufficient protein and fats, because eating leaves and berries won't cut it. So conceivably you might be tempted to eat a puppy. But there's always worms, crickets, and grubs, which will keep you going just as well. Keep the puppies for company and to keep your spirits up. Don't eat them! (Also, This is not a criticism of cultures in which dogs and cats are eaten. The focus here is on puppies and kittens. Big difference.)
References and Further Reading
Bakan, Joel. (2005). The Corporation: The Pathological Pursuit of Profit and Power. Free Press.
Crossette, Barbara. (1995 Dec 1). “Iraq Sanctions Kill Children, U.N. Reports.” New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/1995/12/01/world/iraq-sanctions-kill-children-un-reports.html
Fitzsimons, Tim. (2021 Nov 11). “Pfizer CEO calls those spreading vaccine misinformation 'criminals'.” NBC News. Retrieved from https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/pfizer-ceo-calls-spreading-vaccine-misinformation-criminals-rcna5124
Howard, Lee. (2010 April 1). “Ex-Pfizer scientist wins $1.37 million in federal lawsuit.” The Day. Retrieved from https://www.theday.com/article/20100401/BIZ02/100409959
Mahajan, Rahul. (2001 Nov 1). “‘We Think the Price Is Worth It’.” Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting (Fair). Retrieved from https://fair.org/extra/we-think-the-price-is-worth-it/
Mattera, Philip. (2017 Feb 3). “Pfizer: Corporate Rap Sheet.” Corporate Research Project. Retrieved from https://www.corp-research.org/pfizer
Press Release. (2009 Sept 2). “Justice Department Announces Largest Health Care Fraud Settlement in Its History.” U.S. Department of Justice. Retrieved from https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/justice-department-announces-largest-health-care-fraud-settlement-its-history
Ruoff, Alex. (2019 Dec 31). “Pharma Donations Flow to GOP Lawmakers Fighting Curbs on Prices.” Bloomberg Law. Retrieved from https://news.bloomberglaw.com/health-law-and-business/pfizer-amgen-leaders-among-top-pharma-donors-to-gop-campaigns
Ryan, Christopher. (2019). Civilized to Death: The Price of Progress. Avid Reader Press.
Scott, James C. (2018). Against the Grain: A Deep History of the Earliest States. Yale University Press.
Wellerstein, Alex. (2020 Aug 4). “Counting the dead at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.” Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists. Retrieved from https://thebulletin.org/2020/08/counting-the-dead-at-hiroshima-and-nagasaki/