Your Parents Really Are Sorry
(For Trashing the Planet)
There's no way to know for sure whether your parents really are sorry for what they've done to the planet, but it's probably healthiest for you to believe that they are sorry. Deep down you must believe that they're sorry that they're leaving you such a polluted, deforested, greenhouse gas-filled, conflict-filled, nuclear-missile-filled, poverty-filled, and injustice-filled world. Deep down they're sorry that they completely failed in all aspects. They didn't improve the world at all. They didn't even keep things at the same level of shittiness. No, they made things much, much worse! That's as bad a failure as could be possible.
The fact that they failed so miserably makes it even harder for them to admit it. The pain is too great to even think about. That's one of the reasons adults are so gung-ho about all the false solutions such as solar panels, wind turbines, electric cars, Green New Deals, soy cheese, and nuclear energy. They can't bear to admit their total failure, so they have to convince themselves that they've done something. “Look, we bought a solar panel and an electric car! We're eating bok choy for dinner!” They have to convince themselves first, and then they try to convince you, too. It's well-meaning gaslighting. Of course, none of their solutions have even the remotest chance of working, because all of them will only make things much, much worse. (Because they all depend on fossil fuels and more consumption.)
Deep down they know this, too. And they're scared shitless of what it all means. So they will find any way to deny it. They will even try to distract you with various kinds of bribes, such as giving you a tablet or iPhone, taking you on holidays, filling you up with ice cream, or buying you a pet humpback whale. Because deep down they know how they've failed, and they're too scared to change their ways, so they go for superficial demonstrations of love.
But still, you have to believe that deep down they're sorry, because otherwise that would mean they're monsters. That would mean they don't care, they have no empathy, they're selfish, and greedy. Otherwise you might think that they did it on purpose. (Of course, many adults did do it – and continue to do it – on purpose. Politicians and rich people, mostly. If your parents are either, then disregard this essay.)
Because in reality, most humans come into the world full of hope and full of love. Your parents didn't start off wanting to destroy the world. But little by little, it happened. They were bullied to become destroyers. You see, our way of life is all about bullying. If you wonder why schools are so full of bullying, that's because the entire adult world in any civilization is full of bullying. (Bullying is not natural to humans, though. Humans lived for hundreds of thousands of years without bullying – before civilizations started 6,000 years ago.)
Society was bullying your parents from the moment they were born into a cold, bacteria-filled hospital where there's no sunshine, no birds singing, and the doctors bully other doctors, they bully the nurses, and they bully the patients (“Take the god-damn medicine!”) As they grew up, your parents were further bullied by their parents, by school teachers, by other students, by TV, by radio, by newspapers, by magazines, by their bosses, and by the government. Everyone was bullying them. Everyone was shouting the same messages at them: “Don't be a loser! Get good grades and go to university! Get a job and make money! You're a loser and a nobody unless you make a lot of money! You're not good enough! You need to buy things to feel better about yourself! Money and status is everything! If you don't have an expensive car then no one will love you!” These messages were repeated over and over and over again. This shouldn't be a surprise to you – you'll be getting the same messages. Nothing has changed.
But it's all bullying. And bullying often has terrible effects. In similar ways to how it affects teenagers today, bullying lowered your parents' self-esteem and made them more insecure. It stressed them out, so they turned to ways to lower the stress, such as alcohol, cigarettes, having affairs, and stomping on lizards. It chipped away at their good heart, so that they forgot about what was really important. It made them give up their childhood dreams. It made them stop caring. It made them abandon their principles.
And now years have passed with them denying reality to themselves. They've invested so much, put so much effort into pretending that solar panels are a solution, or that they “did their part”, that it will be very hard to get them to admit it. It would be like trying to get someone in a cult to admit that the insurance-salesman-turned-guru they believe in and gave all their money to is actually a lying, manipulative fraud, who spends his weekends in Las Vegas snorting cocaine out of the beaks of dead chickens (it's called “beaking”.)
As it is, it is extremely difficult for an adult to apologize to children and teenagers or to admit to children and teenagers that they're wrong about anything. It's already extremely rare for them to admit being wrong to another adult. But to kids and teens? No way! Adults always like to act superior to kids and teens. And it's hard enough for them to admit mistakes or apologize for less serious things, like when they falsely accuse you of not vacuuming your room (“Mom, I just vacuumed two months ago!”) or when they falsely accuse you of hiding alcohol in your room (“It's marijuana, not alcohol!”) or when they falsely accuse you of eating cookies before dinner (“Those cookies were my dinner!”)
The reason they have a hard time apologizing or admitting mistakes is because they're so insecure. They're insecure because their parents, schools, and society made them that way. They also feel extremely guilty. Their insecurity and guilt is a powerful combination which crushes them on the inside, and it means they have to deny it in order to feel better. It means most adults are walking around suffering from cognitive dissonance. They know that they've done nothing about making the world a better place, that they never took it seriously, and they know the world is getting worse and worse, but they pretend otherwise – or, they pretend that they did the best they could. Or they shift the blame. (“It's because your father is an idiot!”)
Given this situation, you might be tempted to write your parents off and pretend you don't need them. But that's not a good idea. We don't love people based on their mistakes – otherwise we couldn't love anybody. Also, don't be so superior. If you grew up like they did, you probably would have been just as guilty. Humans just don't have much free will, and most of their behavior is caused by powerful outside influences (their parents, their teachers, TV, government, etc.) So as mad as you are, be a little understanding. As it is, you're probably addicted to at least one of either Snapchat, Instagram, Netflix, memes, and snorting Smarties, so don't think you're superior.
The next step is to forgive them for having allowed everything to get so bad. It will not only lighten your heart, but it will keep your from losing your empathy. Because without empathy, there's really no point in being alive. And when you do stupid things, like accidentally shooting down a U.S. Air Force jet, you'll want your parents to forgive you, too.
Say this to them: “Mom, up until now you've been a complete failure in making the world a better place. But I forgive you. You were misled and tricked by everyone around you. I still love you. But you have to admit that under your watch everything has gotten worse and worse. Just admit it.”
They may start to cry, and they may even admit it. “Yes, yes I admit it. I'm sorry. I was useless. Your father was even more useless.”
“Okay, mom, stop crying. The world doesn't have time for that. Just remember the wise words of Confucius: 'If you make a mistake and do not correct it, this is called a mistake.'”
“So what should we do now?”
“If you really are sorry, then let's go out and correct your mistakes.”
The fact that they failed so miserably makes it even harder for them to admit it. The pain is too great to even think about. That's one of the reasons adults are so gung-ho about all the false solutions such as solar panels, wind turbines, electric cars, Green New Deals, soy cheese, and nuclear energy. They can't bear to admit their total failure, so they have to convince themselves that they've done something. “Look, we bought a solar panel and an electric car! We're eating bok choy for dinner!” They have to convince themselves first, and then they try to convince you, too. It's well-meaning gaslighting. Of course, none of their solutions have even the remotest chance of working, because all of them will only make things much, much worse. (Because they all depend on fossil fuels and more consumption.)
Deep down they know this, too. And they're scared shitless of what it all means. So they will find any way to deny it. They will even try to distract you with various kinds of bribes, such as giving you a tablet or iPhone, taking you on holidays, filling you up with ice cream, or buying you a pet humpback whale. Because deep down they know how they've failed, and they're too scared to change their ways, so they go for superficial demonstrations of love.
But still, you have to believe that deep down they're sorry, because otherwise that would mean they're monsters. That would mean they don't care, they have no empathy, they're selfish, and greedy. Otherwise you might think that they did it on purpose. (Of course, many adults did do it – and continue to do it – on purpose. Politicians and rich people, mostly. If your parents are either, then disregard this essay.)
Because in reality, most humans come into the world full of hope and full of love. Your parents didn't start off wanting to destroy the world. But little by little, it happened. They were bullied to become destroyers. You see, our way of life is all about bullying. If you wonder why schools are so full of bullying, that's because the entire adult world in any civilization is full of bullying. (Bullying is not natural to humans, though. Humans lived for hundreds of thousands of years without bullying – before civilizations started 6,000 years ago.)
Society was bullying your parents from the moment they were born into a cold, bacteria-filled hospital where there's no sunshine, no birds singing, and the doctors bully other doctors, they bully the nurses, and they bully the patients (“Take the god-damn medicine!”) As they grew up, your parents were further bullied by their parents, by school teachers, by other students, by TV, by radio, by newspapers, by magazines, by their bosses, and by the government. Everyone was bullying them. Everyone was shouting the same messages at them: “Don't be a loser! Get good grades and go to university! Get a job and make money! You're a loser and a nobody unless you make a lot of money! You're not good enough! You need to buy things to feel better about yourself! Money and status is everything! If you don't have an expensive car then no one will love you!” These messages were repeated over and over and over again. This shouldn't be a surprise to you – you'll be getting the same messages. Nothing has changed.
But it's all bullying. And bullying often has terrible effects. In similar ways to how it affects teenagers today, bullying lowered your parents' self-esteem and made them more insecure. It stressed them out, so they turned to ways to lower the stress, such as alcohol, cigarettes, having affairs, and stomping on lizards. It chipped away at their good heart, so that they forgot about what was really important. It made them give up their childhood dreams. It made them stop caring. It made them abandon their principles.
And now years have passed with them denying reality to themselves. They've invested so much, put so much effort into pretending that solar panels are a solution, or that they “did their part”, that it will be very hard to get them to admit it. It would be like trying to get someone in a cult to admit that the insurance-salesman-turned-guru they believe in and gave all their money to is actually a lying, manipulative fraud, who spends his weekends in Las Vegas snorting cocaine out of the beaks of dead chickens (it's called “beaking”.)
As it is, it is extremely difficult for an adult to apologize to children and teenagers or to admit to children and teenagers that they're wrong about anything. It's already extremely rare for them to admit being wrong to another adult. But to kids and teens? No way! Adults always like to act superior to kids and teens. And it's hard enough for them to admit mistakes or apologize for less serious things, like when they falsely accuse you of not vacuuming your room (“Mom, I just vacuumed two months ago!”) or when they falsely accuse you of hiding alcohol in your room (“It's marijuana, not alcohol!”) or when they falsely accuse you of eating cookies before dinner (“Those cookies were my dinner!”)
The reason they have a hard time apologizing or admitting mistakes is because they're so insecure. They're insecure because their parents, schools, and society made them that way. They also feel extremely guilty. Their insecurity and guilt is a powerful combination which crushes them on the inside, and it means they have to deny it in order to feel better. It means most adults are walking around suffering from cognitive dissonance. They know that they've done nothing about making the world a better place, that they never took it seriously, and they know the world is getting worse and worse, but they pretend otherwise – or, they pretend that they did the best they could. Or they shift the blame. (“It's because your father is an idiot!”)
Given this situation, you might be tempted to write your parents off and pretend you don't need them. But that's not a good idea. We don't love people based on their mistakes – otherwise we couldn't love anybody. Also, don't be so superior. If you grew up like they did, you probably would have been just as guilty. Humans just don't have much free will, and most of their behavior is caused by powerful outside influences (their parents, their teachers, TV, government, etc.) So as mad as you are, be a little understanding. As it is, you're probably addicted to at least one of either Snapchat, Instagram, Netflix, memes, and snorting Smarties, so don't think you're superior.
The next step is to forgive them for having allowed everything to get so bad. It will not only lighten your heart, but it will keep your from losing your empathy. Because without empathy, there's really no point in being alive. And when you do stupid things, like accidentally shooting down a U.S. Air Force jet, you'll want your parents to forgive you, too.
Say this to them: “Mom, up until now you've been a complete failure in making the world a better place. But I forgive you. You were misled and tricked by everyone around you. I still love you. But you have to admit that under your watch everything has gotten worse and worse. Just admit it.”
They may start to cry, and they may even admit it. “Yes, yes I admit it. I'm sorry. I was useless. Your father was even more useless.”
“Okay, mom, stop crying. The world doesn't have time for that. Just remember the wise words of Confucius: 'If you make a mistake and do not correct it, this is called a mistake.'”
“So what should we do now?”
“If you really are sorry, then let's go out and correct your mistakes.”